Living Like Animals

!dlrow elohw eht kcuf
!habas og annaw I
!ydaerla etal oot si tI

After a few days, i just cannot stand it and i have to post this.
I know i have to be patient but how can i help myself?
People keep on telling me to be patient, sabar, sabar,...
SABAR WHAT FUCK YOU!
Things don't always and won't always go as i wanted.
Why?
I just want to go back home and make things easy for myself.
Finish everything that has to be done back in Kuching and just let me enjoy my life!
FUCK THE WHOLE WORLD!
I HATE IT!!

Because of this i couldn't join my friends from college who are in Kuching now..
Because of this i couldn't take care of myself.
Because of this i couldn't do anything...
Nothing nothing, this is all a waste of time for me.
You think I'm happy?
Look at me all deaf both ears now, still sick, having cough and flu that never stop for more than a month already and how can i have enough rest?

I CAN GO CRAZY ONE DAY...
FUCK YOU ALL FUCK THE UNIVERSE FUCK AND FUCK AND FUCK!
I WANT TO KILL PEOPLE AGAIN!

I want to be Saw's successor and kill everyone that made my life so fucking miserable.

And the list of them to be killed, i have it already..
and guess what?
Both my ears are deaf now.
I am going to die.

Not that i want to..I was forced to.
What can i do.. Always like this..
As long as I am free.. there goes my family asking me to take care of my niece.
Enough of the pain i had in college..
Now i have to deal with a monkey in the house who can never let anyone relax.
If i said no to her.. she will and will always pinch me bite me beat me and all..
I fell down because of her, not enough taking care of myself is it?
Now my knee feels broken and i really have no way to get out of this prison to go to the clinic.
And fuck that stupid sewage pond that stinks like shit.
Told you before that only a one way road width separated this house from that thing.
I worry about my health, i did not get enough sleep for almost 2 years already.
Falling down is a habit.
Getting hurt physically, something i can't avoid.

CONCLUSION.. 1. I AM NO GOOD AS A BABYSITTER 2. I AM A VICTIM OF "teen abuse" BY A BABY.
The question now is: How can a 19 year old girl be bullied by a 2 year old baby?

Two solid answers: 1. I am too weak to face this. 2. My niece is extremely clever, good at psycho-ing people and evil.

Whatever blah..I'm going back to Kuching on the 22nd.
That is when freedom seeks for me.

Hate it now.
I look like an old lady, no time to shower, no time to do what i want to do, can't eat what i want to eat and can't sleep whenever i want to during the day.
NO WAY..
BABYSITTING SUCKS!
My sis must pay me for all the sufferings i have been through last time and now.

Look at my knee.. after falling down so many time.. the scare around my knee cap darkens and looks like a flower with 6 fucking black petals..

Nguuh can't explain how annoyed i fell right now.

I wish i could curse but what if a monster comes out of that stupid sewage pond?
I always imagine this stuffs.. coz this place is dirty.. i mean "dirty"..as in the scary-dirty not the dirty-dirty i always talk about. Ok this place maybe "keras".

In the name of the Father and of the Son and of the Holy Spirit, Amen. Mother Mary and all holy powers.
Protect me.. I'm praying hard.

Seriously my bones are dislocating slowly.. i can feel it. It is painful inside more that outside.
I am scared..
Lord God Heavenly King Almighty Father, please i pray so that you will always keep me safe.

Anyway enough of the complaint..
I watched a very touching movies last night.. oh my god... so touching i wanna touch them.


In English the title is FROM BEGINNING TO END.
They are brothers of the same mother.
But the relationship they had since small made them love each other so much that they just cannot let go.
No drama in this movie...serious as it is.
Too bad this film did not get much attention from people..all because it was a "soft core" type of gay movie. Romantic movie.. my heart melted.
Maybe you all should watch this.

God i read something on Mike's blog that made me feel so happy and filled with so much hope.
Hopefully one day...if i manage to pass the cut of point, i will see them in INDIA!

This art by Mike is called "HELLO VISHNU"... omg i burst when i saw this. The background is so sweet. Not so Kitty anymore...hmm..

He said " I realize you guys don’t all know my sense of humor, but rest assured that this painting isn’t about the Hindu religion nor our Indian fans at all–just for the record. We love our fans in India and hope to see you on tour in the future."

GOD I HOPE IT IS TRUE!!

I'm not satisfied with my results...
Shit..
I just hate it!
I want to torture people!! I need to satisfy myself by hurting everyone else..
If only i have a gun..by now I would have shot dead many!
I want to be a serial rapist..guys deserve to be raped!
I want to be a criminal..
and right now i need to torture people!!!!
I AM going crazy.
One day I believe I will kill someone.
When the time is right.. i will..